Divorce is one of those life transitions that shakes the very foundation you’ve built your life upon. The fear, the uncertainty, the sheer weight of not knowing what comes next—these are experiences I understand personally, not just as a therapist, but as someone who has walked this path before. Though it has been 15 years since my own divorce, I still remember the challenges vividly. And while time has given me clarity, I know how overwhelming it can feel when you’re in the middle of it.
In Singapore, 7,118 marriages ended in divorce or annulment in 2023, a slight increase of 0.2% from the previous year. This data underscores the prevalence of marital transitions and may help you feel less isolated in your experience. You are not alone.
If you’re here, maybe you’re standing at the edge of this decision, terrified of what it might mean. Or maybe you’ve already begun the process, feeling lost, overwhelmed, and wondering if you’ll ever feel whole again. I know how scary it is—I’ve been there.
The Fear That Keeps Us Stuck
So many people delay or avoid making the decision to leave an unhealthy marriage because of fear—fear of uncertainty, fear of financial survival, fear of loneliness.
Will I be able to survive on my own?
What if I never find love again?
What will people say? Will they judge me?
What if this means I failed?
I remember these thoughts running through my mind, keeping me awake at night. But here’s something we often overlook: being in an unhealthy marriage can already feel lonely. The silent suffering, the disconnect, the exhaustion of trying to make things work—it drains you. And while divorce doesn’t necessarily bring immediate relief, staying in a space that’s hurting you out of fear of the unknown isn’t the solution either.
Practical Self-Care During Different Stages of Divorce
Before the Divorce: Navigating Indecisiveness
Seek support: Therapy, support groups, or talking to trusted friends can help clarify your thoughts.
Ground yourself: Practices like journaling, meditation, and deep breathing can help you manage emotional overwhelm.
Visualize different outcomes: Consider what staying and leaving would look like—emotionally, financially, and logistically.
Take small steps: Start gathering information about finances, legal aspects, and emotional support networks.
During the Divorce: Facing the Challenges
Set boundaries: Limit communication with your ex-spouse to necessary discussions, especially if it becomes emotionally charged.
Prioritize your mental health: Therapy, mindfulness, or even simple activities like walking in nature can help.
Take care of your physical health: Stress can take a toll on the body, so ensure you are eating well and getting enough rest.
Surround yourself with support: Stay connected with friends and family who uplift you.
After the Divorce: Adjusting to a New Reality
Redefine your identity: Explore hobbies, interests, and activities that bring you joy.
Create a new routine: Structure and stability can help ease the transition into this new chapter.
Embrace vulnerability: Allow yourself to feel, grieve, and heal without judgment.
Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time, and it’s okay to have ups and downs.
I remember struggling to find my footing post-divorce. The uncertainty of where I would live, the sudden changes in lifestyle—it was overwhelming. But I also learned something powerful: I wasn’t alone. And neither are you.
Moving Forward
Divorce is messy. It’s painful. It forces you to rebuild when you’re exhausted. But it’s also an opportunity—a chance to redefine yourself, to heal, to create a life that feels true to you.
If you’re struggling with the emotional weight of divorce, whether it’s the fear of making the decision, the pain of the process, or the uncertainty of what comes next, therapy can help. Having a space where you can process, grieve, and make sense of it all can be invaluable. You don’t have to do this alone.
If this resonates with you, reach out. Let’s navigate this together.
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